their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
