I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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