Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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