It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
