She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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