Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
