Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
