My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's blow job season.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
