he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
