i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
