We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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