1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
