just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
