I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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