Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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