elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
