I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
