in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
