Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were trust falling into bushes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
