why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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