I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
