dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
