I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
two words...techno handjob
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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