Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
