did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
