I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
