Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
