erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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