well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
