Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
