I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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