dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
