Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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