So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
