just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
