OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
