if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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