Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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