none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
