my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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