there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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