Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
