she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
