The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
