When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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