Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
