Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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