Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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