were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
