Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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